Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
