Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
