I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
