i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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