i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
then he tried to convert me to islam
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This baby is an asshole
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
