Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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