I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
