I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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