I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
