Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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