Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
