a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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