I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
