if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
