Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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