don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
