it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
there is puke in my bra ... again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
