I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
