My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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