just survived the first fart of the relationship.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
