Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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