drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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