I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's shark week go big or go home
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
