it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
