did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
