Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
