I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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