is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
