sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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