i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
