If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
