Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
