i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
