I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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