went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
