I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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