I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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