when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
