Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize