I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
