We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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