remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
