pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
