it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize