My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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