so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
