Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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