it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
