I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize