He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
