i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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