just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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