I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She's the barista slut.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize