so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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