i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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