I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
