I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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