After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
