Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
