even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
