I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
