new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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