So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
