And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
