I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
