My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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