Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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