that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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