The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
