I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
